Tuesday, August 30, 2005
i've got a thousand and one whys i need you to answer...although it was expected alr, and i told myself not to take it too hard, it still does create ripples of some form.
why is it so easy for others, but seems like a chore when it comes to me? it's as easy as going down to simply bread and order a loaf of french loaf with jam to make it feel all right.
i feel trapped in this queue, lining up for my turn to take a roller coaster ride...but my turn nv seems to be coming...when i finally thot i've reached e end of e queue, e door opens to reveal another winding queue inside. i've tried jumping queue, but my methods seem less effective in comparison to e past. yet, there are so many ppl who've jumped e queue in front of me, gone in, come out, and are standing right in front of me again. they seem to have endless turns, while i'm resolved to stand there n wait. wait for e correct time; the time when you're in e correct mood to allow me in. i've given up queueing so many times, but still, after certain periods of time, i'll convince myself tt i can handle e repercussions of my actions and rejoin e queue once more. sigh sigh sigh...i find myself wondering and questioning how it all began, why did it evn start?
i realise tt i'm more famaliar with e name than e person nowadays...perhaps this is a sign of how far things are progressing now. when it dawns upon you tt e person's face can pose of tt of a stranger, a passerby, someone of little significance whom you will nv take a 2nd look at on e streets...it's when e wondering and pondering process sets in.
i begin to doubt...ur words against ur actions...they nv seem to tally...i see a replica, a statue tt's alive standing where i used to stand. how can u progress so fast? w/o my permission? e shock's vibrating my bones. maybe if i were more observant, listened more, stayed ard more, it would haf been slightly diff now. why are u always e one deciding everything? when, where? i regret putting down my dignity, regret not being more ego and stubborn at tt time instead of relenting.
i've said my piece, enuf grumbling for now. if u eva do get e idea i'm tryin to put across, maybe den u'll do sth abt it. it started out tdy as a spiteful joke, juz to warm up e engine...but by e end of e day, it got outta hand. it's so easy to return back to my old dreadful self. when will i learn to say bye and not turn ard to steal an extra glance?
the slack one went to rest at 8:15 AM
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