Saturday, July 23, 2005
everything's in a mess now. worse than ever. it's like waiting for buses at the bus stop: either there's no bus in sight, or you get 5 straight buses in a row. it's all going in the wrong direction, every single one of it. i no longer sense e camaderie tt we once shared. why is it lost now? the one tt i wan to salvage e most, is also e same one i can do least abt.
i act as if i dun care abt you, but i act do. i don't blame you for your inabilities, everyone excels at diff aspects in life, so who am i to judge you in 1 aspect when u can kick my ass in some other areas? my side of e story would def be diff from urs. but we're not trying to create a separation barrier. knowing u as well as we think we do, we'd expect u to voluntarily join in e conversations instead of having us extent a red carpet invitation to you. there're always more than 1 way to look at things, why can't u learn to look at it from a diff angle? if u insist on ur own pt of view, i can't stop you. confinement is silliness. accomodation has it's limits.
you do as you like, not a care abt e repecussions of your actions. come up with more convincing excuses next time, otherwise, dun bother trying at all. there is a tolerance capacity to the no of colour changes and unreasonabilities.
e most puzzling one, is also e most urgent matter. it's all shrouded in mystery. i'll nv be able to understand ur way of thinking, and i doubt u'll ever be able to read my mind. but if only u tried...so often, i always feel myself giving way and compromising. it's bad debts accumulating, waiting for tt trigger to explode. u won't realise it, but u pulled ur own trigger. u went overboard, but u won't realise how mean u were. i felt worthless to u. if bribery was considered a crime, i would nv haf met u tt day. i'm not uncomfortable with parting with my money, it's only a worldly possesion. it was e process tt mattered. everything is abt money. money money money. it's abt responsibility, you can forget something u juz mentioned to a stranger, but not to a fren. i realised i haven't heard ur voice nor felt u near me in e longest time. i got this big urge to call u, to give u a hug...but can i? bad timings, miscommunications, we've lost e chemistry betw us. maybe we shud haf nv begun, right from e start, it was meant to end. like 2 ppl who moved to e same village, but were separated into diff districts. meant to be, yet not meant to be. i've been telling myself to remain cool abt it, but sometimes, my mind still loses. i see a replacement...muz it end this way?
the slack one went to rest at 8:44 AM
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